counting down the days

i cannot believe it's may already!! it means it's been five months since the start of 2007. and it will be about two weeks until..you know what..

yikes..

i had this conversation with cjsn a while ago. i explained to him that the reason for this bewilderment is because i didn't realize five months had already passed me by! this poses the possibility of five more months passing me by without me feeling it too. probably because there wasn't any milestone achieved since the start of the year.

argh..birthday blues creeping in..

i thought i was over that already. the whole, oh-i-dread-my-birthday feeling. i must admit during my early twenties, i'd feel this every time i'd turn a year older. quarter-life crisis. but by the time i turned twenty-five (okay, that's a dead give-away that i'm at least twenty-five years old!), i gave up caring and worrying that i'm getting older and just resigned to the fact that each day, each minute and each second that passes by in my life is a day, a minute and a second of me getting older.

then a few days ago..this whole birthday thing got me thinking again about my life..some mild form of quarter-life crisis but now with a sense of hopefulness instead of helplessness. of excitement over what can possibly happen. because right now, there is that feeling of uncertainty. well yes, i guess everyone feels that. maybe i'm just comparing my life now to how it was, say, five years ago. at that time, i knew what was going to happen. well, pretty much. i thought i'd be married by twenty-four or twenty-five. then have kids before thirty. but with how things are right now, i don't even think i'd be married by thirty! hahaha.

oh, how i wish i could be more eloquent about this..

i am actually trying my very best not to pressure myself too much about this and accept that yes, it may really be just the influence of society that's why women think they should be married before they turn thirty. well, there's also that whole issue with the biological clock ticking. but then, why pressure and end up settling just because of that when you know you haven't found THE one yet right?

haha..my age is really showing because of what i'm writing about!! kadiri! birthday blues talaga.

but i really really am sincerely happy. i'm happy owning the chance of being able to do anything and everything that i want. it's a kind of freedom that allows me to grow and achieve the full potential of my being. and i am truly excited for that. i am truly excited for what i can and will be five years from now. for sure, it is something i didn't expect i would be.