i am living each day with frustrations in my head. i live each day carrying a heart with a big, empty hole in it where true, unadulterated happiness once was. i am a happy camper. well, i used to be. now, i am just one wretched being - paranoid, frustrated and all.

why are these things happening to me? why am i feeling this way? i really don't know what i got myself into. is it all worth it? i hope it is. because i am giving my all already. i really really am. i've actually lost focus on the things that i should be doing, the things i planned for myself. what's surprising though is that i don't really care when by this time i'd be worrying myself silly why certain things were not accomplished. it doesn't matter much anymore to me that i'm out of tangent and out of focus.

i want it to stop because it hurts so much. it hurts my head and it hurts my heart. the thought of what could have been always replaying in my head, the thought of all these evil elements coming into play..they all torment me every day. will they ever stop? is there really any reason for me to believe that these things are out there to cause me pain? or are they all just in my head? am i just imaginging these things? or are events purposedly happening because other people are just so g*ddamn insensitive and bastos?

i can't live each day like this. i really want it to stop already. all i need is assurance that i have nothing to worry about, that these evil elements will not be encouraged and cultivated. stop tormenting me please. i have no evil plans, no schemes. i'm just a simple girl who wants to be happy, to continue to dream and to someday live out this dream. more importantly, i am a happy camper who just wants to be loved as if there were no tomorrow. because it could really happen..that the next day..i'd be gone..